“Resisting change, we hold on. Accepting change, we let go.”
I’ve been letting go of a lot of frustrations lately. Shedding skin like a snake, molting like a mammal and like an evolving butterfly, coming out of many cocoons with new versions of myself.
With all of these new versions I always expect some new piece of me to come to light, some drastic change in my personality or attitude, but that doesn’t happen. Rather instead, subtle things come to light and realization. I look in the mirror and notice I’m more beautiful than yesterday. I dress cute without even thinking about it. I cook food I like and eat fast food I want despite the consequences.
1 Timothy 4:12 says, “Never let anyone look down on your youth.” That quote couldn’t be truer of me. I’m only 25, but upon hitting 25 last month I learned that I let a lot of things get in my way of being a real woman. I let people bully me, I let “friends” judge me and I let my relationships sink into disaster because of insecurities. The funny thing is I didn’t realize any of this until I started sewing and really making it mean something to me.
With sewing I have become more and more transparent, especially to myself. Sewing says, you have a small chest and large hips get over it. Sewing says, accept this for what it is and run with it. Sewing takes a forward charge with no fear and it laughs in the face of a mistake ready to become anything it needs to be. With each project I have gained a new understanding of my body and myself as a person. “Why can’t I accept that this fabric just wasn’t made for this project?” turns into, “Why is it so hard to accept disappointment?”. We dread a seam ripper not only because of the work but a small percentage being that we have to admit that we made a mistake and go through the WORK or correcting that mistake. Such is life. A series of mistakes we work at correcting.. Or accepting.
And then there are the victories. The crown jewel that makes me feel sparkly in the mirror. The thing that makes your piece unique and wondrous. Does it occur to you in those moments that you feel unique and wondrous, because your mind invented something unique and wondrous? So thus, YOU are unique and wondrous? This thing that you have made that nobody else has makes you a one of a kind model on your own runway, strutting to the beat of who knows what song (which in reality is your bedroom and 24 Carat Magic By Bruno).
And just like that the bullies, the judgments and the hate experienced for myself and TO myself are not even existent but a forgotten entity in every seam of this creation I have made, yes, for ME and nobody else.
You see I completely wasn’t ready to be REAL. To say NO to others and YES to myself. To laugh at mistakes, and not blink them away from memory, embarrassed. But only now, being a quarter of a century old can I completely accept knowing so much from the past but knowing absolutely nothing from the present. Rather, I am so content in BEING HERE in the present, showing up day after day and making a new mistake (or victory) so that future me can learn even more.
I am done resisting change, because sewing has taught me change is the very essence of life, the thread (pun SO intended) that entangles our very being, pushing us towards learning and personal challenges. And gosh are we so awesome to have a whole community that embraces that very thing that sewing accomplishes.
I’m suffering from sewing transparency. It’s the most amazing, beautiful and eye opening contagious disease ever. Thanks for taking the time to suffer with me. ❤️